Digging down deep.

Yesterday I had my last treatment (Pralatrexate) which completed my 1st cycle of chemotherapy.  I was diagnosed on June 6 and in some ways that seems so long ago and yet in others it seems like just yesterday.  Much has happened in that 6 1/2 week period.  Locating doctors, enrolling in clinical trials, starting chemo treatments, trying to digest and understand a whole new world of medical terminology and procedures, attempting to comprehend the implications of having a rare and aggressive form of cancer, and discerning it's likely impact on the coming months and years.  Add to that the emotional struggles of trying to come to terms with various possibly life-changing outcomes, and you have what can safely be termed a very stressful situation.  Fortunately we are surrounded by a tremendous support group of family, friends and first class medical care personnel.  The phone calls, cards and letters and expressions of support and caring have meant so much.  And last, but by no means least, is our faith in  a loving and all powerful God Almighty.  Without that faith, I know that all of the rest would not have been sufficient to meet our needs.  Our journey has just begun, and there is a long and winding road that lies ahead, but we have every confidence that we will be able to navigate the bumps and turns along the way.  Remember, our family motto is: We're going to beat this!

If you are ever feeling down, or feeling that life has taken a recent turn for the worse, just go spend a couple of hours sitting in the waiting area outside a chemotherapy treatment center.  It won't take long for you to see that things could be a lot worse, a whole lot worse.  There I sit looking more like someone who is waiting to pickup a patient, rather than someone who is an actual patient waiting for treatment.  Look around and some of the people just make your heart cry out.  For some of them it took every ounce of strength they had just to get there.  But then you think about the courage that surrounds you.  These people have been through so much, so much pain and suffering, so much heartache and turmoil, and yet they keep coming back.  Their return may be based on sheer will and determination to not let this monster win.  Or it may be based on the fact that the alternative is so much worse.  But however they find it, they dig down deep and muster enough courage to fight through another day.  

Some of them will not win their battle.  But many will.  Six months, or a year from now, they may well look and act just as normal as ever.  Their outside appearance will not distinguish them from all of the others around them.  But inside they will never be the same.  They will remember the difficult times, the fear and the sorrow.  Then they will remember that they fought a great fight and they won.  They are cancer survivors.  Their view of life will never be quite the same.  Twelve years ago I fought a battle with Lymphoma and I won.  That fight and that victory will forever be part of me.  By no choice of my own, I am now in another fight with a different form of Lymphoma.  And just like I did before, I will dig down deep and muster enough courage to fight through another day.  Because once again, we're going to beat this!