As I begin the process of coping with my cancer, and the changes it imposes on my life, my circumstances will have significant effect on how I approach the journey that lies ahead. I am retired and that fact alone lifts a large weight from my shoulders. If I had to be concerned about my employment and earning an income, the situation would be greatly compounded. I am in otherwise good physical and mental condition and am married to a loving and devoted wife, have 2 wonderful children, and lots of friends for support. In truth, my environment could probably not be much better in terms of providing me a warm and loving, low stress situation to work from.
During my reading, praying and consideration of what lies ahead, one thing has become abundantly clear - cancer cannot and will not define the rest of my life. I refuse to be paralyzed by what-if's or to live in anticipation of my inevitable demise. It will, for some period, occupy a rather prominent place in my consciousness, but I will not permit it to consume me or the members of my family, who must also cope and adapt. It will be given it's due priority, no more, no less.
Over the past 68 years I have been privileged, and sometimes cursed, to have assumed many roles, held many positions, made many friends and acquaintances, squandered more than a few opportunities, shed some tears and enjoyed many laughs, relished some highs and endured some lows, and even got sick a few times. I have been a son, a brother, a husband, a father, an employee, a friend, and a confidant. I played college basketball and won a few medals in track and field. I worked for companies both large and small, lived in several cities around the US, at times probably drank more beer than I should have, and back in the year 2000 I had cancer. So the mosaic of my life is made up of many many events and activities, none of which is much more conspicuous than any of the others.
So why should the remainder of my existence be any different? And the answer is, it shouldn't. During my treatments, there will be many days spent traveling back and forth to Duke Cancer Center. And while I am feeling just fine right now, with almost no side effects from the treatments thus far, I expect there will be some days where just resting and napping will be in order. But I am committed to staying as healthy as possible by eating a very healthy diet, getting some form of exercise every day, staying well rested and following the doctor's orders closely. Holly and I are planning little activities that we can incorporate into our days. We generally stop and do some shopping on our return trips from Duke, plan to go watch a few movies, take some long walks in the park, go visit the grand children, and whatever else might pop into our minds. A few years ago I began tracing our family trees and found some areas of the country where several generations of our ancestors lived. We are talking about taking a "research" trip to a few of those communities after my treatments are complete.
What is most important is that we not put the rest of our lives on hold. Life is too precious to be put on hold. Whether the days, weeks and months ahead will be as active and diverse as we are planning remains to be seen. But as long as the strength, the will and the determination hold out, we plan to keep right on enjoying our life as much in the future as we have in the past.
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