I have cancer...now what?

Having been diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma 12 years ago, and going through chemotherapy and radiation treatments to get rid of it, I have been able to proudly refer to myself ever since as a cancer survivor.  Since lightening never strikes the same place twice, it never entered my mind that I might once again be told that unfortunately the diagnosis is cancer.  But it has returned, in a somewhat different form this time, Non Hodgkin's T-Cell Lymphoma.  Cancer is an ugly visitor.  It enters your home without asking and rearranges your life.  It takes over with or without your consent.  It causes your emotions to visit previously unknown and unexperienced depths.  The words hit you like a ton of bricks and take your breath away.  In short, it gets your attention very fast and in a very big way.

But life does go on.  The sun will again rise in the morning and the birds will sing.  As you stare out the window, the neighbor will back out of their driveway and head off to go to work.  The mail will get delivered and will include bills to be paid and junk mail.  Somewhere along the way that pain in your stomach will turn to hunger and you will decide to have a little breakfast.  And even thought you have been told you have a disease that is ominous and perhaps life threatening, your life also goes on.  How you choose to deal with this radical development in your life is almost more important that the development itself.  Not dealing with it is not an available option.

Over the past several weeks I have, once again, had to determine how I will respond to having cancer reenter my life.  I feel there are two parts to this response, one spiritual and one philosophical.  They are by no means at odds with each other, but instead work together to form a basis for getting up each morning and facing another day.  And I feel that articulating them here will be a good opportunity for me to verbalize my thoughts as well as perhaps assist someone else who is faced with a life changing event in their life.

Over the next few posts I will try to express my thoughts and feelings on how I am attempting to cope and move on.  It is not an easy process but one that still needs to be kept on the front burner.