Be with me Lord.

Finding out that you have cancer is quickly followed by an emotional roller coaster ride of epic proportions.  Over time those emotional issues and questions must be faced and dealt with.  They do not go away by themselves.  Some can be resolved quickly, some can be postponed for a later time, and some linger far longer than they should be allowed to.  One thing that I have learned over the years is that I shouldn't spend too much time trying to answer the why questions: Why me?  Why must people suffer?  Why can't someone else get sick?  We simply can't answer such things.  The questions themselves are often designed more to express our anguish than to solicit an answer.  I don't know why I have cancer, and I don't much care.  It is what it is, a plain indisputable fact.  I have also learned that, inspite of our best efforts, everything in life cannot be explained.  There are many things that are beyond the comprehension of the human mind.  And the sooner we accept that fact, the sooner we are able to move on.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.  "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts."  Isaiah 55: 8-9

Being able to accept things as they are, when we are not at all happy with our circumstances, is not a human trait possessed by most.  Acceptance acknowledges that we are not in complete control.  We often spend totally inordinant amounts of time and effort trying to find ways to get back in control, and to get back on the course that we perceive as better or truer.  We kick and scratch and fight and cry, all in vain efforts to regain control of the out-of-control situation.  And as more and more of our efforts fail, we feel more and more alone, more and more separated from everything else, more and more desperate and afraid.

When your whole world is falling apart around you, and things appear to be beyond hope, it is often difficult to remember that your Heavenly Father is present there with you.  He is as close as a thought, as near as a sigh, and He has been there all along.  He knew you and was with you before you were born and He will be with you through eternity.

"The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged."  Deuteronomy 31: 8.

Over the years I have experienced many of the highs and lows of living as a mortal man.  I have felt the untold joy and exhilaration of being present at the births of my children.  And I have felt the depths of despair and anguish at the death of a child.  Unfortunately, during the many highs and the celebrations I did not always remember that God was there by my side.  I did not remember to thank Him for His love and his goodness.  But He was still there with me, even if I did not seek Him.  I have also learned, through experience, that when my circumstances were beyond low and my pain was too great to bear, He was still there by my side.  And when I finally would reach out to Him, He would take me in His arms and comfort me with His mighty presence and love.  Never - not once - did I reach for Him and call upon His name and find Him missing.  He was always there and He always will be.

So now I am facing another challenge in my life - cancer.  But I know that my heavenly father is with me.  I know that He loves me with His perfect love.  I know that He has a perfect plan for my life, that was written before I was conceived.  And I know that He is in control.  The God who created the heavens and the earth, also hears my every breath and knows my every thought.  And He loves me beyond anything that I can comprehend.

I am not sure what lies ahead during the coming weeks/months/years, and at times I get a bit apprehensive and nervous,  but after a deep breath or two I can whisper "Be with me Lord." and all is once again well and good.