Looking back.

I have mentioned before that a few years ago I started researching the family trees for both Holly and me and I now have a bad case of addiction to genealogy.  I enjoy spending hour upon hour on the Internet trying to turn up new details on our ancestors and even once in a while a whole new ancestor or two.  It has been a good way for me to keep my mind occupied over these past few months when I didn't feel like doing much that involved physical exertion.  Something that I try to determine is the cause of death for each individual.  One was killed in the Civil War, one drowned and one was even kicked by a horse.  But most of them died of more common and recognizable causes, including several who died from cancer.  Back in the early 1800's, cancer was a known disease but there was not any real treatment available.  All through the 19th century and most of the 20th, the patient likely suffered a slow and agonizing death.  It wasn't until the latter part of the 1900's that the medical community began to develop cancer treatment techniques that could sometimes reverse and even cure the cancer.  Unfortunately, in most cases the treatment was harder on the patient than the disease itself.  I can remember, probably 50 years ago, going to visit an uncle who was dying at home from lung cancer.  I remember, after the visit, asking my mother if it would be OK if I didn't go to visit my uncle again, because he was experiencing such terrible suffering that I couldn't bear to watch him that way.

Things have come a long way since then.  Modern cancer treatments can sometimes still be debilitating and horrible, but many new drugs are far more effective at reducing or eliminating the awful side effects of chemotherapy.  The medical research community is moving ever closer to finding cures for cancer and maybe even developing vaccines that will make it disappear, like polio or tuberculosis.  What a glorious day that will be when our descendants can talk about cancer in the past tense.  In the meantime, we work with what we have. We thank God that there are facilities like Duke Cancer Center, and that there are clinical research trials like the one that I am in, that are helping to find new ways to treat and eventually eradicate this ugly monster.  Whether the disease is cancer or diabetes or kidney disease or meningitis, we are so fortunate to live in this time and place, and have access to the medical knowledge and facilities that are available to us.  And even better, next Tuesday when I head to Duke for another treatment I won't have to harness the team and hook up the wagon.  Praise the Lord!

Better days.

I posted last Saturday that I was seemingly feeling the effects of my 3 chemo treatments last week.  Well I am glad to report that I am doing much better, not that I was feeling all that poorly before.  My energy level has returned and I don't feel like I need to take a nap all the time.  I still haven't begun training to run a marathon yet but getting around isn't such a chore.  I have decided that 3 heavy days of chemo just knock all the wind out of my sails and it takes several days before the drugs have run their course and my body can begin to rebuild.  Fortunately I only have to endure that once every 7 weeks.  The rest of the time I only have one less powerful drug infusion per week, with even a couple of weeks off mixed in.  So the next 5 weeks should be more pleasant and we will deal with the future when it gets here.  As I have said before, we are taking it one day at a time.  And today is going well :-)

My morning walk.

That subject line "My morning walk" seems to come up a lot here but my morning walks are a special time for me.  I addition to getting some exercise and fresh air, they give me a chance to just get quiet and reflect on things.  This morning I was walking a bit slower since my chemo seems to have sapped some of my energy but I was noticing that I am feeling a bit better.  Hopefully I am rebounding from my treatments last week and things will be improving each day.

This morning my thoughts alternated between how much the Lord has blessed me, and how I am so much more fortunate than so many other people.  In His goodness and mercy the Lord has surrounded me with a wonderful family that loves and supports me, a safe and comfortable life that more than meets all my needs, a peace in times of trouble, a knowledge that He loves me and a belief that no matter what lies ahead He will be there with me.  What more could I want??  And then I would think about some of the people I see each week in the chemo treatment center and how they are suffering, both physically and mentally.  And there are those without enough to eat or without a place to live, or those in broken homes or relationships, or mired in deep dispair or depression, or in parts of the world where war rages daily.  There are so many other places that I could be, that are so much worse than where I am, and I am so blessed and so fortunate to be out there walking around my neighborhood with my Lord.  Oh how I enjoy those morning walks.

Something different.

For reasons I am having some difficulty determining, this week has been more intense than earlier periods.  While I am still feeling quite good in general, some little things seem to be creeping in here and there.  Nothing big at all.  In fact it seems more like a sense that something is a bit different although I just can't put my finger on it.  Not even bad different, just different.

My new round of chemo treatments started Tuesday and lasted 3 days, followed by a shot here locally on Friday.  The 3 trips to Duke involved 9+ hours of driving, followed by several hours sitting in waiting areas (don't you just love doctors offices).  The chemo treatments took about 6 hours over the 3 days and involved transfusing about 2 liters (2 quarts) of chemotherapy drugs into my body.  That was 2 liters of powerful and aggressive drugs designed to kill cancer cells in large numbers, with unfortunate collateral damage to other fast growing "good" cells.  Add to that 400 mg of prednisone, acting as an immune system suppressant, and I can't even begin to imagine what must be going on inside my body right now.  So I guess if I'm feeling a wee bit different than normal, it shouldn't come as a big surprise.  I am told that chemotherapy can, not necessarily will, have a cumulative effect on the body.  But I thank the Lord daily that I am able to withstand the side effects so well.  I seem a bit more tired this week but an extra nap or two may be just what the doctor ordered.

As I have said before, this blog will reflect both my good days and my not so good days.  Up until now I would say that just about all of my days have been good or better.  So a few bad days were bound to creep in there somewhere.  I have every faith that in a few more days, when the drugs and their effects have had a chance to run their course, I will be back to where I was before.  Life itself has it's good days and it's not so good days and we all need to find ways to weather the bad and rejoice in the good.  Deep down in the core of my inner most being, where my soul and spirit dwell along with The Holy Spirit, I still believe that I am going to beat this, regardless of how I may feel from one day to the next.  My God is far greater than a few lousy cancer cells.

Today's thought.

I received a card in the mail today that included the following thought, which is so true.

There's a wonderful peace

in knowing

that our Lord is always there

watching over us

with boundless love,

keeping us in His care.

Round 2.

This coming Tuesday marks the beginning of the 2nd cycle of my chemo treatments.  Hard to believe it has been 7 weeks since I started the 1st cycle.  I have learned so much during that time.  Not only have I read and learned a lot about Non Hodgkins Peripheral T Cell Lymphoma, I have also absorbed an amazing volume of information about chemotherapy and about a list of chemicals that are hard to spell and even harder to pronounce.  I have also learned how my body reacts to those chemicals and I thank my Lord and Savior that those reactions thus far have been very few and very mild.  What little hair I had has mostly disappeared and I am sure that cycle 2 will finish off what is left.  And I get fatigued relatively quickly, which is always a good excuse for an afternoon nap.  But other than that, and a few days of sores in my mouth, which went away quickly, I am otherwise free of the list of side effects normally associated with chemotherapy.

That is why I can honestly say I am anxious to get started with my next round of treatments.  This cancer will not go away by itself and being sure I am getting regular and timely treatments is my  ticket to getting it into remission.  We will be traveling to Duke on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday and the 1 1/2 hour drive, each way, is not especially enjoyable but it does give us time to talk and listen to a few CD's.  Tuesday is the longest day, including blood work, a meeting with the doctor and then about 4 hours getting the actual treatment itself.  For those with degrees in pharmacology, I will receive 3 IV infusions, including cyclophosphamide, vincristine sulfate and etoposide.  Wednesday and Thursday are just treatments days, lasting about 2 hours each and I only receive the etoposide.  Then on Friday I go to a local oncologist to receive a Neulasta shot, which helps boost my white blood cell count.  I top it all off with 4 days of prednisone tablets (Wed through Sat) and that completes the first phase of my cycle, followed by a week of rest.  Now doesn't that sound like something to get excited about?  I can hardly wait to get started :-)  Bring it on!

P.S.  Sorry if I am providing more chemical/drug information than most of you need or care about, but I think there are a few readers who have more than a passing interest in the details.

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